Wednesday, April 05, 2017

Being There .....Or Here ????

Being There ...Or Here ...????

A life that has been granted by the Almighty God should be lived as one wants ,,, as one wishes not as others want or wish ,,,,I have almost  been living all my life  fulfilling  what others want and wish for  & ( except  the period of time when my beloved father was alive  &alas that was very short )... 
No one gave me the right to do what I want ,,, I was a slave to my family's will ... so I spend my life doing what is dictated to me by my nearest people who think that they love me and that they want the best for me ...not realizing that they have turned my life into hell by their wrong decisions ...
Out of love , obedience and good manners I was so naive in social life  despite my sharp thinking and intelligence in education and studies ...
I have spent most of my time in reading rather than socializing ...and may be this has affected my thinking that I assumed the good will of those who used and abused me . 
No one ever was honest in letting me find my own happiness ...even when I thought I had they turned things down and changed every beautiful event that occurred to me into a disaster ...So I left everything behind and traveled  away all alone ...running from all to find serenity and peace of mind and heart ..
Have I then got my goal ? 
Yes and no ....Yes , I cleared up my mind and have some peace , serenity and rest ....I lived as a monk ... all I have is my books ... daily usual activities ...even in my worst times of sickness - when I was all alone , it never affected me negatively ,,,in fact I got stronger - being alone and having hard times makes one very strong , tolerable , independent and more patient ...I survived all the hardships ...I even left to another place again ,,,,and all that never affected me until they started again pressing me with their demands which as usual I was unable to refuse out of love and  obligations .....
Years passed by slowly once and rapidly another ....
I longed for many things inside me ,,, I was unable even to utter a word and if I said anything they would accuse me of all sorts of things least of them that I was wrong and that I don't know where my welfare is ?????
Now after I have been awakened from my long long trance of this mission called love and sacrifice , obedience and manners to all - the question arises : 
" Will I keep being a slave to all ?" 
No , I don't think so ...
Because enough is enough ....
Because there is no more time to spare ...
Because I have to spend the rest of what is left for me the way I want not they way they want ...
Because I have wasted all my life being there ...for them 
Because I want to be here....for ME ...pour MOI ....











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