Thursday, September 24, 2015

Alone

Alone 

To live  alone , one must be very reasonable , hard working , good at everything and most of all patient ... otherwise, there comes times when staying alone can drive you crazy ,,,
As for me living all alone for five years have taught me so many things ...

I am a person who loves reading which has helped me a lot in my solitary life ..
I write and search the web ,,,which of course have , also ,  helped me pass time and most of all I am a very patient person  who has endured so many difficulties in my previous life - all alone - though I was surrounded by  family , friends , acquaintances who rarely  helped me in  solving any of my problems ,,, in fact they were the reasons behind my problems ,,,,

I prefer to read a book , watch  certain TV programs  or write a poet /  a story  or an article rather than have people around me who spend most of the time gossiping ,,, talking about trivial matters or just sitting around against their own wills only because they have to .... and they call it at the end ' socializing '...

Time runs like a lightening or a thunder ...so quickly  these days that we don't even feel or realize that years now seems like months ...months like days ... days like minutes ...

I love my family and my country  very much BUT I can not go back now for so many reasons ,, I have no place to go to ,,,it is not safe there and life has become so difficult -- I am , now , a lonely woman,,,a tired weary woman who has been suffering so much for the last decade  because of  her cheating husband and of family  abundance which filled me with pain and bitterness ... 
Living all alone for five years in a strange country - away from beloved ones who all left me to suffer without a hand that will tap on my shoulder or a word of sympathy that would give me moral support nor even   a word of encouragement ,,,all this has killed me inside out ,I was torn to pieces ,,my dignity and pride prevented me to stay in a place where no one said a word of truth and no one helped me to overcome my problem ...

Now , I look back at those years and think if I stayed there I might have had much more troubles and pain ,,,because being  there - no one cared for me at all 
I was and still am always backing them ,,, helping them and supporting  them whenever I can ,,,despite their ignorance , abundance and marginalization to me ..
I will always love them 
though I am far away from them ..but deep down in  my heart great wounds and bitterness of their treatment to me and leaving me face problems one after the other without raising a finger ...
Why did they all behave in this way ? 
I don't understand nor will I ever !

I keep thinking about those prisoners who live in solitary cells  and sometimes I remember stories  I have read or films  I have watched about such circumstances ..I remember Burt Lancaster acting in one of his great movies when he was imprisoned in a solitary cell and how he trained a swallow to pull a carriage which he made with  wooden teeth sticks...and of course many other true stories ... 
 Comparing  myself to a prisoner in a solitary cell ... I find myself much luckier and living  a better live than his/ her ...


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