Saturday, July 27, 2013

Is Really Time The Coin of Your Own Life ???

Is really Time The Coin of Your Own Life ??

" Time is the coin of your life ,,,spend it and do not let others to spend it for you ...." 

Ever since I  read the above sentence , I kept wondering  whether  it is  really true ,,,especially if you are a compassionate , kind , nice , good person with a heart of gold and a virtual spirit ,,and all my life has come throughout decades in front of my eyes ,,,I then realized how I was used and abused by all my family members except my dear beloved father ...

It is a pity how others can be so cruel and selfish so as to destroy you just for their own benefits and welfare ,,they might love you - yes ,,,but when they make you a bridge for their own personal way to reach their goals ...that is unfair and not right ,,,time passed by ,,,decades passed by and here am I all alone after giving them all everything -  moral & material ; support , love , care , help and best time of my life ,,,old and young each and every one has been looking for their welfare without thinking that i have to live my life and = spend my own coin for me ,,,not for them ...

I have , in fact , lived their lives and spend all my coins and capital for them all ,,,now I am bankrupt and all alone ,,,I  have been abandoned by all after I spend every thing for them ,,I have become like a ruin of a palace which has been famous one day but  is deserted now because it does not have  any  significance any more  to show ...
And how do I react ? ...simply , I pray for them all and wish them the best ...
Yes , I have learned a very severe lesson ,,the hard way ,,but it won't do me any good ,,,because I run out of time time is over ,,,,I have very little time left and I can not go back to the past ,,
What a pity ..
What ungratefulness ..
What an end ...
What ugly feelings ..
What emptiness ..
If we reverse the picture and if they were in my shoes ...what would have they done ?
 What would  they have  said ?
 How would they  have reacted ?
but the hypothesis is wrong ,,, because they WOULD NEVER HAVE DONE SO ,,,They all spend their own coins as well as others' coins ,,,thy all  think of themselves ,,,never of others ...
After all this is human beings' nature ..
They are right and I was & am wrong ,,,one should , must and have to do for one's sake , interest , welfare and own business not for others ...
I have made a mistake ,,,a huge mistake by allowing others to spend  all my coins ,,,all my life ,,,
What a FOOL am I ..
Never let others spend your coins for you ..never let others spend your time for you ..
Live your life ,,,not others' life ...
life is VERY PRECIOUS ,,
UNLESS you live your own life then you will end up like me ...lonely and all alone ...

BUT I still have  a great BELIEF , FAITH & CONFIDENCE in God ,,,

He will not let me down ,,,


Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Does Love Hurt ???

Does Love Hurt ??
Love can be a burden ,,it can hurt instead of of protect -  though love is the best emotional feeling  by which life goes on ,love gives protection ,,love means existence ,,,and here I am talking about all sorts of love , parents' love ,,,mothers' love, siblings' love , spouse's love , friends ' love ,,love in general not only between men and women ,,
When love turns into possession , obsession , slavery , selfish , domineering , ruling , ,,,etc.. it becomes a burden hurts ...sometimes people offer love that sickens ,, when love turns into one sort  of the previous feelings then it is not real love ,, it is an outcome of a compensation for something else ,,, a mother can be so obsessive of her child to the extent that she clings to him/ her all his/ her life and she denies to admit that they need their privacy and their own freedom ,to live their life and choose their way ,, she can not liberate her children from her prison ,,when  they grow up to choose their own life ,,,she would refuse to set them free ,,, she makes them stick to her as her shadow ,,,then the question here :
Is this LOVE ...? & What kind of love is that??
I think = NOT ....because love should  offer care , attention , sensation , sentiment  , protection and not form a person into a special mould , a puppy or a follower ,,a shadow ..when love turns into   chains and cages that imprison a person = then it is not love at all,,,in this world there are many real stories of such sickening love wherein mothers play a great deal in destroying their own children's futuristic relationships with their partners - husbands & wives / siblings / friends / colleagues / mates and even their own children in the long run ..without knowing they turn their loved one s into hell.
I know a mother who refused to set  her daughter  free and she stayed with her all the time ... never let her choose  a friend , nor a colleague ,,,refused all the suitors when she  became a beautiful young woman legible  for marriage  ,,,filled her mind with all kinds of bad ideas about men including the daughter's father who was the best in the world ,,, she poisoned her mind with such filthy , malicious , mean thoughts about men ... the question here : Is this love ? 
Not only that but she portrayed to her a world of evil through men and marriage ,,,she would even described ugly filthy bad pictures of men to the poor little girl who believed every single word of her mother ,,,a child of five or four  would believe anything ,,, when the same stories are repeated throughout all the years ,,,such pictures are engraved  not only in one's brain but in the subconscious ,,,it  is very difficult to change what have become part of competence , rather than memories ,,,the human brain works in a strange way ,,it is like a book which keeps each and every word in each sentence ,,in every page ,,, all are collected ,,gathered to become a certain book that differs from other books in vocabulary ,,text ,, syntax ,, semantics ,,style ,,lexical items , sometimes in  pictures - when they are included ,,, the whole contents ,,the characters ,, ,,, this is the memory or the input  which remains in our brains till the day  we die ,unless we get Alzheimer ,memory loss,,or amnesia , 
Of course the extent of remembrance  varies from one person to another in the according to the degree of  brightness ,sharpness ,,clarity and strength ,,, some people have short memory ,, , that might fade or become  weaker by years ,,, others have sharp memory or strong sensors ,,, 
The negative  outcome or I may say the   tragic situation awaits   those with sharp memory because their life will be very much affected by all that input inside their brains ,,,thus their future will be passively and negatively affected by whatever have been accumulated of their past life ,,during childhood and adolescence ...
When I read  ( Sons and Lovers ) by D. H. Lawrence in the second year of my undergraduate studies ,,,I was so surprised of the ill - relation between the mother & her son ,,, then how that relation affected  ( her son  )  -and how that affected   the young man's relation when he felt in love with Miriam ... that novel illustrates the  bad relation from one point of view ,,,sex 
Well ,  in real life there are other kinds of ill relations as I mentioned above ,,wherein authoritative and  domineering persons show their love in a  very strange way so that  they deprive their children or associates from their rights in having normal love with other people ...the cause of this psychological problem is the deprivation of real genuine love of such persons whether in their own childhood and  youth and also  having  serious psychological problems themselves such as inferiority complex ..passing through very bad  emotional experience and other kinds of family problems losing a dear loved one such a s a mother , a brother or a father ,passing through bad  family experience ,, so to compensate for this deprivation ,,they think that they are offering protection and real love to their children by over protecting ,,,owning , possession and obsession  thus they make terrible mistakes ,,, not realizing that their behavior  and over acting  will  destroy  the life and relations of  their loved ones ...unaware of the consequences of such ill love that they give ,,,,, this feeling hurts ,,it is  a
burden ,,not love ,,,


Memories of ...... A Rainy Day

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