Saturday, November 10, 2012

When YOUR End is NEAR


What would you do if you suddenly realize that your end ,,is very ,,,near and that you will die shortly ??? It is not a joke ,,,nor a subject to discuss ,,it is the TRUTH ,,,YES , the pure truth ,,,when your doctor tells you that you are dying and your days are almost finished ,,,,

There are two things ,,,two attitudes and  it is up to the person in question to decide what to do ,,,, positive and negative ,,,most people will have negative attitude,,,moan and groan ,,cry and count the days ,,, live in panic and fear ,,, However, positive attitude is much more serene and clear ,,, quiet and relaxing because one will be meeting God ,,, what a feeling ,, what a joy ,,,YES ..I think so ,,I am looking forward for that day and I will not even count days  nor months ,,I will just stay calm ,,practice all my usual  daily activities as though I do not even know because eventually we will all die and no one at all knows when why worry .....
So ,,,here is what I have done and what I would do :  I would like to clear up anything that might cause trouble or problems to others ,,, I would like to set any one who does not want me in their life - SET THEM FREE- do things right , pay all those forgotten bills = not real bills because I am a sort of person who never postpone a thing or an action whatever easy , simple , small or even unimportant ,,, so here I mean I would put everything in its place ,,,
In the past I used to think ,,,would I reach twenty ,,, then thirty ,, then forty  and here am I I have passed half a century ,,,what  a life full of experience ,,, I have had the happiest childhood ,,, a nice youth ,,,had good relations with almost all people whom I have  known whether family, relatives , acquaintance , friends or even strangers ,,,may be one or two persons disliked me throughout my life whole  but  that is good because there are people in this universe who have enemies and a large number of people who do not like them ,,,I therefore consider myself lucky for this ,,, I have traveled ,, I have studied ,, worked in many fields ,, taught a large number of students ,,, trained also a large number of trainees ,,, I have been lucky because I did many good things in my life ,, I might regret one or two decisions I made which perhaps were the reasons behind my hard and bad  times in life ,,,then as I am a strong believer in the Almighty  I always say that everything is destined for us and that we are propulsive not facultative and that we have to accept whatever God grants us whether good or bad unless we can change it ,,,which sometimes is out of control  .... 

When I got the news that I may have only a very short time to survive my illness , I never was surprised nor sad ,,, it is so strange how I was really expecting it and therefore I decided to finish all the unfinished things in my life  ,,,set free those who do not want me in their life ,,, as I previously mentioned ,,, pay the last bill  or whatever it takes to be alone facing my end without troubling  anyone nor harming or hurting others' feelings ,, because I know and I am fully aware of those who really  love me and whom I love how emotional they are ,,, as for those who do not care I decided not to utter a single word of my illness in order to test their feelings and the answer came directly , simply and clearly ,,, they NEVER care ,,,so why keep them in my last few months ,,, it is better to SET them FREE from this chain ,,, 

I know other people might look at DEATH in another way ,,, but for me it is MY SALVATION  ,,, I am happy to leave this world as soon as possible ,,, I always loved death ,,, for me death is a new beginning ,,, to stay away from trouble and pain ,,, to meet the Almighty and have the judgment ,,, to rest 

Until my few months finish ,,I want to thank all those who supported me in this last month and who were talking to me daily ,,who prayed for me and whose souls were with me during my two operations ,,,for the kind lady who stayed with me in hospital and who was watching me in the intensive care ,,, for all those kind people who nursed me in hospital ,, the nurses and my family members who showed me how much real love and affection is ,,, and after my death I want someone who reads this blog to spread the word  & thanks for all the good people who helped me - being away from my home and my country ,,,staying here fighting  this illness all alone has given me strength and patience ,,, more faith and tolerance despite everything ,,




Tuesday, November 06, 2012

Set Me Free

Set Me Free 
At a time when you think that people are all like yourself = especially if you are kind,  of a gold heart, caring, loving , decent, honest , faithful , sacrificial , simple , virtuous, patient ,  
humane , forgiving and above all you do everything to please the other person ,,,, such characteristics sound almost angelic rather than human= but it is true ; though in the this world such a person of all these virtues sounds too good to be true ,,, yet there are still thousands if not millions all over the whole world who are still enjoying such merits ,,, it is called virtues ,,,

When you love someone to the extent that you are ready to sacrifice your own life ,,, to do anything just to please and comfort him , you almost die for him and at the end = he rewards you by abundance , negligence , desertion , cheating and finally deleting you of  his life ,,,, what will you do ,,,

You wait and wait and wait = thinking that by time - he will realize his mistake , come and correct what  the damage done ,,, but ALAS ,,, no sign of this at all ,,,,You pass the most difficult time in your life ,,, you fall ill ,,you are all alone and you write to him ,,,but , he never lays a finger ,  very indifferent ,, pretending that he did not get the message ,,, you send him an oral message through a third person ,,, yet no response ,,, you keep writing to him and he ignores all your messages ,,, in fact never respond and sens you an irrelevant strange message congratulating you on an occasion for which you are not aware as you have been so ill spending your week in hospital ,,, having two major operations in one week and your situation is critical ,,, you are admitted to the ER twice and are having complications  and are in your worst and most dangerous life time,,,,

How do you react ???
Would you stay requesting him ??
Would you keep writing asking him to respond??
Would not that be HUMILIATION???
This is a very INHUMANE situation ....
It a very clear reply that YOU are NOT WANTED anymore ,,
So you MUST get the UNSAID , UNWRITTEN message ,,,,i.e . = THIS PERSON HATES YOU & he does not want you any more in his life ..
He has already sent you a VERY CLEAR  SILENT MESSAGE
It says :
Have some dignity and stop all these hopeless messages ,,
It is the END ....
Your time has finished ....
You no more exist for that person ,,,
He has deleted you ,,,terminated you ,,,erased you of his life 

WHO KNOWS - after all  may be you will be better of without such a person
who has given you all this pain 
Life is FULL of surprises 

Sunday, November 04, 2012

When Closest - Nearest & Dearest Person Humiliates YOU !!!!

When Closest - Nearest & Dearest Person Humiliates YOU !!

Life is so unfair ,,,,when you trust someone so as to give him/her you own life ,,,your everything = love , trust , faith, loyalty, soul & heart ,,,thinking that he/she is the one ...and only one -whom you want to share life with all its sweetness & bitterness ,,, with happiness & sadness...with health & illness. With each moment ,,each pulse of your heart ,,, each breath that makes you alive ,,, you sacrifice everything for that one and only person ,,, you spend years working hard,,, very hard to please them ,,, to provide everything for them ,,,,you love them unconditionally ,,,,you prefer them to your own self ,,,


Silently you do everything in order to make them happy ,,, you forgive their mistakes ,,,you accept their faults ,,,you just do everything to make them happy ,,,you save them from big problems ,,,words are not enough to express the great things you do to make their life easy ,,, happy and almost complete ,,,doing so through out decades thinking that they deserve your love and sacrifices ,,,You keep cherishing them despite all the bad things that they do to you – finding excuses to justify their wrong doings  and forgiving their bad acts ,,,thinking that one day they will come to their senses ,,,all this because you love them ,,,,

In return , by years ,, they start changing attitude ,,, manners ,, and start  neglecting  you ,,,betraying you ,,,cheating on you ,,,finally you realize that  they no more love you nor even respect you ,,, you were only a ladder to climb up on your back to reach their goal ,,,,you ask and request for your freedom ,,, they refuse claiming that they love you ,,,they keep humiliating you by ignoring  and cold feeling ,,,gradually you find out that they have already chosen another person in their life ,, and that you are no more than  a piece of furniture in the house  ,,

You ask for your freedom again and again  ,,, they refuse saying that  they love you and can not leave you ,,,, but their conduct shows otherwise ,, you become like a bone in the throat for them ,,,what to do ,,, you travel to take a break ,,, you want to come back ,,, you find everything has disappeared ,,,no furniture ,,, nothing ,,, where to go ,,, you stay away hoping that the distance will make them long for you  and that love , fidelity ,,, loyalty ,,,may be humanity will make them realize   how important you are in their life ,,,but you get to know that they only are happy now because you are away from them ,,,far away to see you ,,, they are enjoying the company of their new love ,,, their new companion ,,,as for you ,,,you have been old papers of an old deserted unwanted book which they do not want to have a look at ,,,nor to see,,,,,you are out of date ,,,,you do not exist


Out of commitment , fidelity , love , religious principles ,,,you contact them ,,call them ,,, write to them ,,,yet NO ANSWER ,,,,RETURN TO SENDER ,,,NO REPLY ,,,as if NO ADDRESS ,,

So , now what to do ,,,you have been used and abused  for decades ,,,thinking it was love ,,, BUT it was NOT ,,, years of humiliations ,,, and a deep profound wound that will never be healed is engraved  inside your heart so you are awakened to realize that the great love of your  feeling is no more the same ,,,you have tried every possible way to gain their love –no way  ,,, in this case you will surely be a fool to believe that they want you any more in their life …it is a  crystal clear message for you ,,,you should regain your dignity and self respect ,,,self esteem ,,,pride ,,,especially that you have  been so good to be true to such people who have NEVER appreciate your pure great love ,,,


No regret if you leave them especially that they deserted and abandoned you when you were having the most difficult times in all your life ,,,you wanted them there for you to comfort you ,,,to ease the pain and the hard time ,,, to support you morally ,,, to take your hand to the shore of serenity and peace of mind ,,, they let you down years and years ,, they deleted you completely from LIFE and from their own life ,,,


Would you then think that you have made a mistake by leaving them ???

No , not at all ,,,they are no more in your life ,,, they have chosen to leave you  years before you left them ,,, you tried and tried ,,, you requested ,, you begged ,,in all languages of soul and heart ,,, not only the articulated verbal language ,,, you touched their hearts ,, souls and minds ,,, yet  NO RESPONSE ,,,suddenly YOU became a malignant cancer from  which they just RUN AWAY to avoid ,,,,you became AN INFECTIOUS DISEASE from which they run in order not to catch ,,,

What a life ,,, what a life ,,,what a life ……


For all those who love deeply ,,, passionately and without return I say

BEWARE ,,,you might be mistaken

BE  CAREFUL because you might live decades with someone thinking he/she loves you …then one day you will find out and  realize it was your own ILLUSION was only your own imagination

NEVER TRUST any one who tells you that he/she loves you ..



Life is so strange

People are SO  CRUEL






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