Wednesday, December 05, 2012

Used Up

 Used Up 
What has gone cannot be restored ; what  is done is gone and we can never change anything that has passed even a minute ago ,,,I turned on  the TV and there was the last part of   “ The Shawshank Redemption ”, which I must have  watched several times  because it is worth watching  and I like those two actors Tim Robbins & Morgan Freeman ,,,
It was  Morgan Freeman  in that shot wherein he was just released from prison and the next shot when he says:
  ‘I have lived in fear for forty years ‘,,, that sentence rang a bell into my ears ,,, I , myself have lived for others for forty years ,,, I never lived for myself and now I am just too tired to carry on living for others ,,, if I have had this thinking forty years ago ,,, I wouldn't have suffered that much ,,, I wouldn't have experienced all this psychological and physical pain and illness ,,, I could have lived much happier and I could have enjoyed a much better personal life ,,,but I was indulged by others for their own welfare ,, interests and selfishness ,,I was pushed to do so out of altruism = having a loving ,  caring , unselfish nature I preferred them all to my own self and what was the result – they have  all pushed me more to their service
 (  except my dearest loving father whom fate took so early from me to leave me in stormy vicious circles of painful  life )
And so they kept their techniques and methods  to make me aware of that sad truth of their  possession and obsession to enslave me for their service and interests - though they have their own life and they were all settled down living happily with their own small families   but all they thought  about was their own welfare and never any one of them thought of  me as a person who should have my own life to live ,,, they all thought one way or another  that I belong to them and that it was their rights not mine to shower them with all I have whether what I    own  ,, my time ,, my feelings  ,  my life , my sustenance  and all that I get out of work  must be theirs ,,,,this  is outrageous  and can never be accepted by anyone no matter what the relation or the  circumstances around them,,, being the youngest daughter ,another member whose father has passed away and each and every one has got their own dependence and private life  ; however , I was so innocent ,, may be naive and too good to be true that I kept this when I got married  and the man was even more demanding than them so he used me ,,, abused me and finally threw me away as though I do not exist ,,,,
Then I had all sides to foster , care for and live for,  which was terribly wrong because every person should live his / her life ,,,it is their rights and no matter what the relationship between people
 God has created us to live and enjoy our life not to serve others who do not need our care ,,, in real life only  babies need fostering and care till they grow up and therefore I think that I was misused , abused and used by the closest , nearest persons to me and that is UNFAIR and bad ,,,,

Time passed  by and by now I am tired , sick ,, suffering all alone while every one else is enjoying their own life as all normal people 
so I keep wondering  WHY did I have to pay for other people's SELFISHNESS ....???
I do not want to lament the past because I am a patient believer BUT I am writing this to give you a message : BEWARE ,,, NEVER let anyone abuse you ,,live your own life and YES be good to others ,,, give ,, help but do NOT forget your own self  and your own happiness ,,,,
YOU count ,,,not only your family ,,,,

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