Monday, April 24, 2017

MEANNESS

MEANNESS


Life has taught me  a lot of things ,,, most of which is the MEANNESS of people ,,, I have never seen such meanness not even in the worst savage monsters ,,, they say that Satan or the devil is very mean ,,, well I have never been introduced to Satan nor the devil but I have been living with real people who might be personalized from the character of Satan or the devil ,,,when someone betrays you ,,, cheats on you and finally leave you  ,,, disappears ,,,, suddenly they appear with a new face ... promising to make up for you ,,, and as you are such an innocent person with a golden heart of an angel ----  you believe them ,,, you keep waiting and waiting ....they say that the snake can never change its skin ,,, so  are such people ---all they do again is run away leaving you to speculations !!!!
Hence , you wake up to realize that meanness is like blood cells that can never leave the vessels  ,,, some  people  never change because inside their hearts and souls there is darkness and evil ...
I , therefore thank God that I have a gold heart that is full with faith in Him and patience that fills my soul with serenity , love and peace. ...
I might regret sometimes that I treat all people in the same generosity and love ,,, but when I think of the other world --- life after death I feel content that I have been treated badly but I treated all well because I seek the rewards of GOD not people ...
I am also sure that GOD will punish all those  who hurt others ...  
Well let every one behave as they wish and let the Almighty GOD  judge  us  all on doomsday 
Life is too short to spend regretting anything ...I am at harmony with GOD , people and life ....I have been through huge unbelievable storms which others might never could resist or overcome BUT I did with my faith , patience and strength ,,, love of GOD and peace of heart ...finally I have come to realize that I am so strong as to face such hard times all alone with no help of any person at all ....all my life ...














Thursday, April 06, 2017

video
أعذب  صوت شادية تغني لشروق الشمس - الشمس بانت من بعيد  

Wednesday, April 05, 2017

رسالتي الأخيرة || وصية عظيمة من د . مصطفى محمود

Being There .....Or Here ????

Being There ...Or Here ...????

A life that has been granted by the Almighty God should be lived as one wants ,,, as one wishes not as others want or wish ,,,,I have almost  been living all my life  fulfilling  what others want and wish for  & ( except  the period of time when my beloved father was alive  &alas that was very short )... 
No one gave me the right to do what I want ,,, I was a slave to my family's will ... so I spend my life doing what is dictated to me by my nearest people who think that they love me and that they want the best for me ...not realizing that they have turned my life into hell by their wrong decisions ...
Out of love , obedience and good manners I was so naive in social life  despite my sharp thinking and intelligence in education and studies ...
I have spent most of my time in reading rather than socializing ...and may be this has affected my thinking that I assumed the good will of those who used and abused me . 
No one ever was honest in letting me find my own happiness ...even when I thought I had they turned things down and changed every beautiful event that occurred to me into a disaster ...So I left everything behind and traveled  away all alone ...running from all to find serenity and peace of mind and heart ..
Have I then got my goal ? 
Yes and no ....Yes , I cleared up my mind and have some peace , serenity and rest ....I lived as a monk ... all I have is my books ... daily usual activities ...even in my worst times of sickness - when I was all alone , it never affected me negatively ,,,in fact I got stronger - being alone and having hard times makes one very strong , tolerable , independent and more patient ...I survived all the hardships ...I even left to another place again ,,,,and all that never affected me until they started again pressing me with their demands which as usual I was unable to refuse out of love and  obligations .....
Years passed by slowly once and rapidly another ....
I longed for many things inside me ,,, I was unable even to utter a word and if I said anything they would accuse me of all sorts of things least of them that I was wrong and that I don't know where my welfare is ?????
Now after I have been awakened from my long long trance of this mission called love and sacrifice , obedience and manners to all - the question arises : 
" Will I keep being a slave to all ?" 
No , I don't think so ...
Because enough is enough ....
Because there is no more time to spare ...
Because I have to spend the rest of what is left for me the way I want not they way they want ...
Because I have wasted all my life being there ...for them 
Because I want to be here....for ME ...pour MOI ....











Monday, March 06, 2017

Carole Samaha - Wahshani Bladi VC / كارول سماحه - وحشاني بلادي

Saudi Arabia Uncovered

Forgive & Forget

Forgiveness is not easy when one’s life or destiny is ruined by those who wrong him/her for their own benefits and interests …so is forgetting : it is very hard to forgive those who made arrangements , plans and plots just to ruin you in order to get to their goal … how about those who lie to you and deceive you only to make you believe that they act for your interest ,,,how about when your own life depends on something and they know yet they act differently ,,in an opposite direction to reach for their goals leaving you to misery and misfortune ,,, leading to your own doomed sadness ….
I have been thinking for some time about what my nearest and dearest people who have destroyed my life only to get to their goals … I was young when I had to listen to all of them EXCEPT my beloved father …may GOD bless his soul ,,,he was the only one who had a good heart and a pure soul ,,, he wanted me to have happiness and good life BUT all stood against him …and I was such a fool to believe their mean claims that they wanted my happiness and my welfare ….
Time went on and I grew up and grew older …trying to find my own way ,,,but still they were always  there taking and making decisions  to ruin me … and they succeeded in ruining my life or what is left of it ,,, I never stopped listening to them thinking they are looking for me ,,,taking care of me ,despite my intelligence – I was a silly fool who listen to my own enemies who come in the form of family ,,,,siblings ,,,,what a tragedy to be slaughtered by your own people like this .
NOW , the questions come here :
“ Do you forgive those who have hurt ,  wronged and destroyed you ? “  
“ Do you forget all their mean wrong acts ?”
My answer is surely “ NO “ in block capitals .
Why ?
Well .. because my sour and bitter situation in which I am living in now and for many years have been the outcome of their dirty deed ….
I am not an angel ,,, neither  a prophet ,,nor a saint ,,,I am a human being ,,,
What hurts me is that I have always been very kind , generous, compassionate , helpful and a benefactor to them all … may be this is why they all want to keep my good deeds ,,, they are very selfish .. mean and bad ..all they want is TAKING & TAKING till  the last day of my life ,,,never ever do they think of giving or at least stop taking ,,,,
 They say that forgiveness shows strength & I say it is not a matter of strength or weakness ... 
God doesn't forgive the sinners - otherwise there won't be hell ...
All those  nice quotes about forgiveness are meant for people who make mistakes or or twice ,,, YES , well all make mistakes BUT to RUIN one's life foe decades only to get to your BENEFITS  ; to use an innocent good heavenly creature just to get what you want ,,,that is SO MEAN ,,, it is a SIN that can't be forgiven ...
So , in the end  when I think and recall what miseries and hard times I have been through and what situation I am living in right now - I think that they are not worth forgiving ,,,on the contrary they deserve to rot in hell for their bad acts.......

I will not forgive nor forget ....








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